I come to you now defenses down. Defenseless now.

     I wish I could've seen growing up that when I was told to "be myself" that it really would work.  There will always be those who shut you out or push you down.  What matters at the end of the day was that you kept on doing what you feel is right and didn't bend.  I'm not saying that I was always right, god knows that it's completely the opposite.  In high school I felt like god was just sort of something that was there.  God was something that gave people the decency to stop people from asking me why I had coke bottle glasses.  God was something inside of people that would take me as I was..no questions asked.  This could be true, but really the part of the picture that I wasn't getting was that it wasn't God.  It was really morals and standards. 

     Tie all that into my present...I often wonder if it's God or my standards that keep me away from alcohol and drinking.  I have never been one to like that.  I did however, dip my toes in the waters of smoking pot as a teen.  I thought that was okay...but never was keen on drinking.  Of course now the smoking thing is a definite 100% NO, its not even in the question.  I am not against a glass or two of a nice whine or champagne, I have yet to try either of those...but may sooner or later.  I have no desire to get drunk but I do know that they help prevent kidney stones...which I don't ever care to try.   I KNOW that I hold the alchohol thing against others...and I shouldn't.  I don't even like to be around it, or have anything to do with it unless its in a (to my oh so precious standards) classy way. 

On past the alchohol and back to the being yourself though.  I really hope that when I have kids I can put this message through and really get it across.  If you really just keep it true to yourself then people will accept that and half the time you can really help people change.  Half the time a group is poking fun there's a GOOD chance that someone in the group doesn't feel that way ...they're just going with the flow.  I don't want to make a scene by busting out a bible and doing some obscure scene to pray over dinner in public.  I do however think that I should be praying over every meal I have.  It doesn't have to be some elitist prayer that clears the skies so that got himself can high five me for my awesome play of words on my thirty minute prayer in the middle of Applebees.  Just a short little "thank you for everything I have and will have " will suffice.

     Lynds has been doing a great job of keeping us praying before dinner and I really think it does help us.  It's always good practice to have reminders in our life.  We use sticky notes to remind us to do small errands throughout the day.  A simple prayer before a meal is a good reminder of what we should be thankfull of.  A bible/cross or anything that may remind you of what you believe in on your desk may help you remember whats right and wrong when your browsing the oh so enticing internet.  I'm no saint nor am I a preacher, just things that have helped me in life.

This post has been on and off for almost an hour and at this point waking up for church will certainly be a slight challenge.  Today Katie got married, twas a very well put together reception.  I could tell Lynds was getting semi emotional and most likely thinking about the fact that we will be doing the same thing in about 3 months.  Had a great time catching up w/Jamz0rz and playing wii for like...prolly 2-3 hours, lulz.  My nerves are on edge to hear from these underwriters.  If we get this loan approved and move into our house this month it will no doubt be one of the happiest moments of both our lives.  Its such an amazing house that I can really see us raising our kids in if that is where we are when kids come into play.  Schools going so-so, there are some things I'd like to change but its completely out of my grasp.  looking forward to seeing what Mr. Crocker has as a surprise tomorrow.   It's almost 3 I need teh sleepz0rz.

if anyones reading this sorry for the lack of photos along the post...no time tonight

The economy sucks, more student loans please?

I'm not looking forward to taking out over 20k worth of student loans. It's 6k~ per semester and should take hopefully around 2 years going all year round. I am rather headstrong about going to ECPI for a BS in Network Security. I get the best view of both worlds nowadays....

I see people that have degrees living pretty good lifestyles. At a previous job though, I saw first hand how a degree didn't really do much. I think when it all comes down to it a degree helps a TON. What really puts you where you are is your desire and push to do well. I will be the first one to admit I am by no means a handy man...what so ever. I do however think that I am fairly good at learning what I need to. If you put something in front of me and say I need this, you can bet I'm going to try my hardest to learn how to it thoroughly in and out.

As of late I think I've really gotten a good grasp for just doing my own thing and not really caring if thats cool or hip. I don't think anyone at work likes the same music that I listen to the most. I don't think that makes me cool by any means, actually it kinda makes a gap...but its all good. I love my job and have already learned a good bit of stuff from electrical work to network troubleshooting.

Anywho back on track, the average network security engineer position in the US pays 77. If I could just make 50k in a few years that'd be pretty dang amazing. So here's to hoping I finally get this right and buckle down. I feel a lot better going into this w/Lynds in my life. She is amazing at keeping me on track and headed in the right direction.

This saturday her, myself, my little sister, mother, and grandmother will be headed to the Cola zoo. I know that everyone is looking forward to that quite a bit. I am not excited about the zoo...more so the people and seeing them all happy and what not.

This post was pretty comic-less, next time I'll try to bring the full force.


Fun-fact - Microsoft may actually fix a modded xbox if you try to send it in....lets see if it works for me.

Also there was a bday party for a cousin that we see all the time at any family occasion. For some reason his mom/dad (my aunt/uncle) didn't throw me nor lynds an invite. Shame on you guys for hoe'ing out on us like that.

Now I shall join Lynds in watching one of her fav shows...American Idol. Lets hope for dinner being done, lulz.